Tuesday, February 20, 2007

EVAN AND HIS GRANDMA AND GRANDPA

Today is a special day. We have scheduled a play date with my son's friend from swimming lessons and his grandparents who care for him when his mother is at work. We met at swimming lessons and my parents, who care for my son, struck up a relationship with the other grandparents. The bond has continued past the end of swimming lessons at that place and the grandmothers still talk and share stories and concerns.

Evan's father is Chinese and lives half way around the world. My son's biological parents live on the same continent, but worlds apart. My son's adoptive father lives a few miles away, but with the exception of a few Sunday afternoons, might as well be half way around the world.

As the boys play, we discuss our lives. The pressures of grandparenting in this very involved way and the pains of leaving one's child when you would much rather be with them. Evan is taking Chinese lessons and recently attended a Chinese New Year celebration. I wonder if I am raising my son "Russian enough" or if I am forcing him to acclimate to the American way of life. I make a mental note to find Russian Orthodox Easter eggs.

My son pulls me aside and whispers that Evan is different. I ask him why and he says that his hair is different. I assume that he is noting the characteristic Asian hair that I remember glistening at the poolside. I note the date and with wonder that it has taken him five years to give voice to racial differences.

He breaks my illusion when he says, "His hair is different. It was always wet and went back like this" and moves his head back like one coming up out of the water.

If all racial differences could be so insignificant and given such an honest voice.