Tuesday, February 13, 2007
INTEGRATION PAPERS
Today we shared integration papers. Integration papers in this context are not studies of the effects of bringing together of those of diverse cultures and histories, but rather an accounting of the synthesis of the work we have done over the past semesters.
As I sat reading my paper to two people that I trust, I was struck by something that was missing from my paper. I struggled with the question of whether to raise the issue or not. I spoke of needing to rewrite the draft, but did not give voice to the feelings that were stirring within myself since the previous weekend.
I continue this struggle to this minute, knowing that is journal is going to be read by the folks in my Changing Racism class and by the professors who are leading us in this endeavor. I have chosen to take the leap...
As I sat in the classroom during the Changing Racism classes I became acutely aware that I would love to spend the rest of my life being present as people come to grips with the ways racism and oppression have effected their lives and the lives of others. I was alive in a way that I cannot remember being alive and I was listening with my head, my heart, and my whole body responded to the things I heard and felt. I was privileged to be part of this holy action and I went home and prayed prayers of thanksgiving for the experience.
I sit here now, committed to actively discerning whether this is the path that my life should take, and wondering what the next step would look like. As always, my inner self is offering doubts about my ability as a privileged white person to do this work and my ability to overcome the oppression that I have experienced in order to help others along the way.
I want to ask others in the class whether they experienced any of the same feelings or if they sensed something different about me.
Clearly, things are changing within me -- changing faster than I can perceive and share -- but I know in my heart that God is in the midst of this.
Prayer continues. Hope lives.
God is good.
